


Scars Remind Us That the Past is Real

by sunflow_rs



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Adoption, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Muggle, Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, Bisexual Remus Lupin, Cute, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Gay Sirius Black, Gender Dysphoria, Gender Identity, Genderfluid Character, I wrote this to spite JKR, James Potter is a Good Friend, M/M, Minor Alice Longbottom/Frank Longbottom, Minor James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Nonbinary Nymphadora Tonks, Person of Color James Potter, Pre-Relationship, Sad Sirius Black, Sirius Black & James Potter Friendship, Trans Male Character, Trans Sirius Black, Transgender
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-08
Updated: 2020-07-08
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:28:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25143157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunflow_rs/pseuds/sunflow_rs
Summary: “Who’s the date with anyway? I need details here, Siri. Name, age, height, medical history, bank account number… You know, the basics.”“His name is Remus.”
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 11
Kudos: 53





	Scars Remind Us That the Past is Real

He hated looking in the mirror. His cheekbones were sharp but not deep enough, his jaw and chin were too pointed and his eyebrows too fine; he lacked the harshness of a male’s face. His body wasn’t boyishly lanky or too skinny, like James’. Instead his hips made a curved outline that his shoulders weren’t broad enough to counteract. Men’s jeans never fit him because they were too skinny, while men’s shirts were always too big.

Sirius sighed, running a hand through his hair. That was the only feature he was proud of. The tangled black waves that fell to his shoulders certainly didn’t help Sirius pass, but he liked the length. He liked the safety net it provided when he needed to hide away his usually obnoxious and loud-self. But sometimes, when he felt particularly masculine, he tied it loosely in a bun making his neck and ears cold and showing off his undercut. 

His brother teased him horrendously for his hair pride. Sirius always flipped the bird and proclaimed that, “Just because you have birds laying eggs in yours doesn’t mean you have to verbalise your jealousy.” James never took kindly to that, while their parents found it hilarious. Especially their dad with his hair product line, which he not so subtly gifted a pack to James one Christmas.

Sirius tugged at his shirt, wrinkling his nose up at it. “Jamieeeee.” 

“What do you want?” James popped his head around the bathroom door, eyes narrowed at the nickname.

“I’m going on a date and I have no clothes.” 

“You don’t look naked to me.” James chuckled, pushing his glasses up his nose.

“Nothing fits right,” Sirius complained. He turned away from the mirror. “Everything makes me look too…”

James became serious, immediately recognising Sirius’ concern. “Wear your black jeans and a shirt that gathers in at the wrists. I watched a video that said dark colours and cinching at the wrists and ankles help with looking more masculine.”

Sirius nodded, heart overwhelmed with the understanding and love he received from James and his family. They put so much effort in to make him feel complete, and comfortable. Much different to his life seven years ago. He hated even thinking about them and the heartbreak he still felt from those first thirteen years of his life.

“Who’s the date with anyway?” James jumped onto Sirius’ bed.

“Um a guy I met when I was at Frank’s studying the other day. They’re flatmates.” 

“I need details here, Siri. Name, age, height, medical history, bank account number… You know, the basics.”

Sirius rolled his eyes, reappearing in different clothes. “His name is Remus.”

James sat up straighter, eyes bright and alert behind his glasses. “Wait! Shy bloke, right? Into books and shit. He has those scars across his face?”

“Yeah, that Remus. Why?”

“He’s mates with Lily.” James said, before yelling down the passage of their tiny flat. “Hey Lils, c’mere!” 

“Lily is here? James, you should have said! I wouldn’t have asked you for help if I’d known, I’d have asked Evans.”

“You wound me.” James clutched his chest, feigning hurt as his girlfriend came into the room. Her pale, freckled face looked confused but it lit up when she saw Sirius.

“Looking goooood, Black.” She wolf whistled. 

“It’s my natural beauty.” Sirius said striking a pose, and with a grin that only James could tell wavered. 

“He’s going on a date with Remus!” 

“Wait, really?!” Lily’s lips stretched into a grin, and she clapped her hands together. 

Sirius shook his head, laughing. He grabbed his keys and helmet. “I’ve gotta go. Please don’t use my bed.” 

“Good luck!” James shouted at his retreating back, ignoring the innuendo.

Sirius’ throat was dry at the thought of never finding someone to so complete him in the way Lily did for James. The two were perfect for each other, and picture-perfect at that. Lily with her creamy complexion and copper hair, and James an unruly mess of good intentions and bad decisions. She was the ultimate partner in crime for James, and Sirius couldn’t help but feel a stab at the usurping of his place at James’ right hand. 

He felt another stab at the thought of being unaccepted. Something that could happen with Remus that Sirius usually managed to avoid with his usual dating form. It was the beauty of dating apps to open the closet door and display all the skeletons. If someone didn’t like them, they could just swipe the other way. 

Remus was friends with Lily and Frank though, Sirius thought rationally in an attempt to calm himself. It would be fine. At least he hoped as much as he set his helmet on his motorbike and not so subtly checked his hair in his window reflection. 

“I didn’t know you drive a motorbike.” Sirius grinned, turning to the voice and finding Remus crossing the road to meet him.

“Ride,” he corrected, still smiling as he gestured to the sleek black bike. “But yes, meet the love of my life.”

“Well if you’re into anthropomorphism I may as well leave now.” Remus joked. 

Sirius’ brain was still processing the way the other man’s chapped lips moved around the word he’d never heard of before. He’d willingly hear it again, but only if he could watch as Remus’ tongue grazed the front of his slightly crooked teeth and his lips formed into shapes to sound out the syllables.

“Well if you’re into such big words I may as well leave now.” Sirius quipped, his brain finally catching up.

He held open the glass door to the cafe, allowing Remus to enter through first. As the man walked past Sirius let his hand rest gently on the back of his woollen jersey. The material wasn’t as soft as he’d expected, and nor was the pattern particularly pleasing, but somehow Remus managed to pull it off. Sirius knew if he wore it it would hang off all the wrong places, which is why he stuck with his leather jacket; black and cuffed at the sleeves as James suggested.

“So how’d you meet Frank?” Sirius asked, the conversation having suspended until they’d ordered.

“We went to the same highschool.” Remus shrugged off a scarf, slinging it over the back of his chair. Sirius watched as his Adam's apple moved with each word. “You do a psychology paper together, right?”

“Yeah, child cognition.” 

Remus looked surprised, and oddly impressed. “Is that what you want to do after university? Work with children?”

Sirius nodded, thanking the waitress who brought over their drinks. He wrinkled his nose at Remus’ long black and cupped his mochachino, grateful for its warmth. “I want to become a child psychologist, or work with children stuck in between homes.”

“That’s amazing, Sirius.” His name from Remus’ lips sent Sirius’ heart into a frenzy and made him feel even warmer than his hot coffee could. “Have you always wanted to do that?”

Sirius ignored the question; this was a first date, not first therapy session. “What about you, what are you studying? Something sagacious no doubt.”

“Now who has the big words.” Remus laughed. “I’m studying english lit and law.”

“See,” Sirius looked smug. “Sagacious.”

“I don’t know if many would agree with a degree in english literature being sagacious.” Remus chuckled again, his scars seeming invisible against the radiance of his smile.

“Yes, are you planning on writing a book about the law or making a law about books?”

“This is actually part of my elaborate plan to stop the censorship of banned books.” 

Sirius laughed at Remus’ comments and his deadpan delivery. It was a conversation similar to this at Frank’s flat that made Sirius ask him on a date in the first place. Remus’ humour was delightfully dry and fell in sync with his own so well. He couldn’t just leave their chemistry behind in Frank’s flat, with the only chance of seeing Remus being the next time he had a lab report to write.

“So obviously I know Frank, but who else do you flat with?” Sirius asked, scooping some froth off his drink and into his mouth.

“Have you met Alice, Frank’s girlfriend?”

“I don’t think so. To be honest I barely know anything about Frank aside from his maddening skill at editing to reach the word count.”

“Yes, he’s brutal but good.” Remus laughed before continuing. “Frank shares a room with Alice, and then Tonks has the other room. Tonks is great, they’re a little bit younger than the rest of us, so only a first year.”

Sirius noticed the gender neutral pronouns but dampened down his rising hope. He didn’t want his expectation to be raised and then crushed yet again. It was always a different person, same ignorance.

“Four people seems like a nice number to live with.” Sirius responded. “I flat with my brother, James, and we did have a third flatmate but now it’s just an empty room.”

“You and your brother must be close to live with each other.” Remus smiled, not asking about the third flatmate and for that Sirius was grateful.

“He’s my best friend. It’s definitely nice to not have to stop living with him after leaving home.” Sirius could talk about James non-stop. The man was impossible not to love.

“I’m an only child so it sounds like I definitely missed out.”

Sirius shrugged. “Sometimes your family is who you make it as well.”

Around them chairs were being stacked loudly onto the tables, acting as a verbal indicator that the cafe had just changed their door sign to ‘closed.’ Remus’ cheeks reddened slightly and he laughed with embarrassment, tying the scarf back around his neck. 

“I guess we should go.” Sirius voiced, but neither man wanted to leave the warmth of the cafe or the company across from them.

The two stepped outside into the cold, icy clouds dissipating from their mouths into the fresh air with each exhale. Sirius’ lips quirked up in the corner as he noticed Remus’ nose turn pink from the change in temperature. It was remarkably darker outside now than when they’d first arrived, and a nearby street light illuminated them like a movie scene and made Remus’ hair appear honey blonde. There was silence between the two for the first time in hours, neither wanting to say goodbye. 

Neither wanting to have an ending to this beginning.

**Author's Note:**

> I directed my rage and heartbreak towards JK Rowling into this fic. My hope is that it helps someone feel comforted and understood despite her words. She hasn't taken the story or the characters of Harry Potter away from us, that is something that will be forever accepting despite what hurtful opinions she decides to put in her "echo chamber."
> 
> I hope you all enjoyed this first chapter. I'm not sure how long it will be but I have a few plans already for it. My uploads probably won't be too consistent, but comments definitely help encourage me to write more! Thanks for reading <3


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